A Trip to the W&CH and some of its repercussions

I do not understand this.
After an event which involved a trip to the Womens and Childrens Hospital,
I felt betrayed.
Now whilst I understood everyone's reasoning for what they did, and would myself, probably have done the same thing, it does not mean I liked it.
Thankfully, I managed to avoid a 72 hour hold by some quick thinking and smooth talking, as well as a bit of luck, but who am I really kidding.
Anyway, this was some weeks ago now.
But I still cannot help but feel I was badly betrayed, and whilst I have forgiven those who partook in what resulted in the trip, it seems I cannot let it go, no matter how hard I try.
I cannot stop thinking about it, it haunts me day and night and I have analysed the situation and various offshoots of it countless times.
Anything that is slightly associated with the medical profession reminds me of it and then I am stuck on it again.
It is frustrating me, because since this, my sleeping, exercise, study, eating and most other habits have seemingly gone rather bad. Worse than before. Crash dieting has gone crazy, as has binge eating, study barely exists, same with exercise, and sleeping, well it is disturbed and mainly involves trying to shut my head up cos its thinking about it all.
Not only that, it seems my trust level, which I thought had recovered, has not done so. In fact, I've only just realised that I've continued to withdraw from people and life itself. I had managed to halt much of this prior to the event occurring.
I had hoped that whilst I was scared shitless, that perhaps it may help me, or remind me what was at stake. Instead, all I feel has happened is everything has steadily gotten worse. I stopped the cutting for a while, but recently has popped back up, as has the uptake of burning, and the abuse of OTC medications.
I don't know how such an event could trigger so much. Why has it affected me so much. Yes, I have a fear of hospitals, but why did I have to react like this?
To top it off, I often feel really sick in my stomach and more than not end up in tears because I still feel that people who I really truly trusted, broke that trust. It feels like I have been violated badly, and I don't know how I can feel that way. After all, these people really just gave a shit, and thought that something may happen, and rightly so.
I guess part of it is because it occurred on a Friday night, when it was established fact among the main person involved that I would not be alone till the Saturday night, and then I would have 24 hours to myself.
As it so happened, it was pure luck that nothing arose on that Saturday night. I wanted to, and was all planned out, but lacked the energy and ended up running out of time, and I guess that I may have been more ambivalent about it then I thought.
Anyway, the fact remains that I'm still terrified that a visit back there may occur, probably because it is apparent that things are getting worse and sometimes it seems that there nothing left.
It is also true that whatever the reason, since that day, I cannot stop thinking of it, and it has driven me to the brink too many times. I would prefer not to play such roulette with such a stupid event.
Furthermore, my main confidant, who may or may not have been involved (she says she had no part in it, and whilst I believe her, one or 2 things don't add up-more interrogation necessary), has been largely shut off by me. I don't want it to happen, but I no longer know who to trust, even though I know that if it came to it, I would do what had to be done to keep someone here.
The reality is, I can trust no one, since if people do believe that they're talking to me for what maybe the last time, they may feel compelled to act, after all no one wants those kind of regrets.
But if I don't trust someone, then there is little hope for me, and my days are incredibly limited, probably measured in days, not years.
I know not what I should do, many believe it is a straight forward answer, but they are fools.
Nothing is black and white. Not even suicide.