Well what do you know, it seems I've been fucked again. Seems that since I've been avoiding the shrink and social worker, they've decided they'd tell me I didn't have a choice, and that I have to meet with them next week, or they'll tell my Dad.
Yea, to say I'm fucked off is the biggest understatement in the world. Funny, cos I was having a good day, I bet you its fucked my weekend.
Yea, terrific, make me feel even more trapped than before, yea, don't worry, Dion will be fine, we'll just make him more edgy, make him more paranoid, and make him not trust anyone anymore. Well, by forcing me is one way to cause major problems.
But its fine, I promise I won't heed any fucking well bloody urges!
HA! What a fuckin joke. I ignored some of those killer urges, now give me a reason to fuckin heed them ay. Something to dread next week like all hell.
Yeah, I was getting homework done before, now Im overcome with despair and I can see that Im gonna split apart soon. Wish everyone would leave the house, I only want peace quiet.
I just want a bloody hug now, Im sooo scared. Cos if I tell Tom everything, then I may get bloody well hospitalised, something that whilst perhaps good for me, will scare me to death and may make it worse-it cant get much worse and Id sooner not be talking with Su more than I already am.
But if I tell Tom too less, then he may get to suss anyway. So I hope I can keep my tongue guarded, or else either repercusion will be undesirable.
So upset, not even anger, just trapped, and intense sadness, I just want to hide and for them to leave me alone. I was doing a little better the past 2 days, still tough, but productive in homework which was good, now there is a good chance that a spanner with be thrown into the works again. And I dont know how much Im gonna end up taking. Hell, I know whats gone on this past week, how long till I dont quit, till I am so far off the edge that I fall to my death?
Im trying to reduce the already mounting stress on me, but it seems the universe is bloody conspiring against me.
Please, why can they not just leave it alone, I dont care whether theres a mandated responsibility, moral responsibility or just cos you care, some things are best to be left for a while. If Im wrong, then soon I wont be posting, if Im right, then Ill come to my senses and reach out again, and perhaps climb out of this pit of despair and utter hopelessness Im in now.
Well, either way, there is only one or 2 ways I can relieve this now, and I tell you what, flames are hot, razors are sweet, but pills, hmm well, theyre painless.
Better than any the alternative anyway.
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