If we spend many time periods pondering questions and deeply searching for answers to these questions.
If we find an answer we do not like, that makes us uncomfortable, deeply depressed, even suicidal, or just in general changes your view on things, must we accept it?
Is it good that we have found answer to our question, even if we can see that it is more than likely correct, even if it causes problems?
One could consider it a blessing that we have found a truth in a false world.
But at the same time, the damage that these answers may do, are they worth it?
And how do we let go of these answers so we can function correctly?
Or do we change the course of our life due to this?
It is such a difficult set of questions to answer, if they can be answered at all.
Many would give answers quickly, but they see not the complexity of the question nor its implication.
I do wonder.
I lose many hours sleep to this and others, and do also spend many times desiring a better answer.
But then, could one's judgement and this conclusions be bias from another source, external or internal.
For example, by a close friend who maybe influencing us, or an illness that exacerbates or changes our perception.
How is it that, with our answer, we are still expected to function? And that we hold onto seemingly mundane and silly tasks every day.
But then, what is the alternative?
We could, try to follow the lead of Siddartha Gautama and lead a life of deep though, education and non-existence, absent of suffering and acceptance of truths.
Alternatively, we could seek out non-existence in a more physical and active nature.
What shall we do?
It is puzzling.
For months, I have known the answer, for months I have suffered under this knowledge.
And now I must come to some conclusion.
Neither is right, neither is wrong.
Those who say one is over the other, better be able to substantiate their case, as I do desire to hear it.
For it is selfish on many levels, as it is otherwise.
I just want an answer, or a way to change my perception on it.
I just wanna function correctly and happily with this knowledge, or not function at all happily.
If there is not happily, then ultimately it is not my path.