Existential Crises

Just had a break from a little study-yes its finally happening, and I came across something which has greatly caught my interest and something I can relate to a lot.
It is a philosophical school of thought known as existentialism. Having quickly skimmed it, I realised that following exams, much more delving will be required to satisfy my hunger. In that realisation and in this discovery, I found a peculiar thing that may relate to me again, and the blues.
I located information on existential depression, which is a form of depression brought on by basically the questioning of ones own existance and the like in the world, something that has been termed an existential crisis. When someone starts questioning the very foundations with which their life is built upon, it can create such a thing. Over the past few years, I have come to slowly realise many things, many of it related to existentialism. Having said that, many other things triggered me this year, stress, pressure, etc, but I think that this questioning may have caused or contributed to my landslide of suicidal feelings, etc.
In fact, I know it did, I just didnt have a name for it before.
I have chatted to a few others about it, who also have similar issues, though they believe that since it is largely based on relatively sound knowledge, it is much more difficult to kick. In fact they themselves have made extensive plans for their demise, and believe they themselves will end their life soon enough. They also believe that very few experience it, since many people do not think entirely for themselves, and that it is a 'wisemans affliction'. Cant say I agree with that, as then I would have to realise that Im 'special' and wise, something I havent seen evident yet. But perhaps others think differently. Basically, Ive realised what some of this is now, now I need to beat exams, and then research into how I can perhaps stop this crisis of sorts, and get back on a level plain. I attempted twice yesterday, and the 2nd time, whilst pathetic, now I come to think of it, was probably the most dangerous thing Ive ever done. Using my own newfound science knowledge to try a chemical form. Not a good idea, as now I think about, the burning, coughing, and feelings of breathlessness probably wasnt that smart. From research, I think a form of a chloroamine was formed, hence not reccommended, and dont be a fool like I was, it was only a small amount, but shit it bloody hurt and was uncomfortable.
Thankfully, I dont notice any residual effects, so I figure it may not have been that bad, still, I know from research its bloody deadly, and easy to produce, but is an absolute shitty way to try anything.
Meh, life is interesting, I only wanna dance the night away, and intend to do so soon. At teh moment, diving has taken a little backseat, and dancing, dam I wanna chase it, just need a partner to dance with, who wants to compete. That would be heaven. Dancing most night, YEAH!
Meh, back to physics, and the structure of atom, Im not game to see how forsyth has destroyed my asignment, it may break me and Im scared of that. Perhaps Ill do it when I can get some company. To make sure it doesnt flip me too much.
Haha, the look on some peooples faces if they knew what happens sometimes due to them, not taht i blame them, they do their job, and I act like a fool. Hence the refusal to admit Im 'wise', though perhaps Im driven by fear, pain, and the blues.
Meh, back to it all.
Adios amigos.
Be good or real bad, Ill love you no matter.
:P