How blissful would eternal sleep be?
I dont really know if things will get much better than they have these past few weeks.
I feel like I have lost something valuable, and cant get it back, like virginity except more precious.
It was my innocence and ignorance. Many people never fully lose them, I feel I have.
I wish I didnt, ignorance is true bliss, as is sleep.
With this bad news, my mask have just broken. I hope I can put it back together,
or the consequences are too horrible to consider.
I knew that this set back would occur, it didnt reduce the pain though.
If anything, it proves I am a failure.
At least they have no regrets or little.
I became too self absorbed to actually prepare for it.
Now I have seen what happens.
People think things r going well,
I like to think that Bruce Willis and I have something in common.
We can both put up an excellent act when needed, we are actors.
Now I feel isolated, I had people before, now I feel I have lost them all to my own stupidity.
I get that life isnt easy, but natural selection is trying to work, and i am trying to resist. In the wild, Id be the dead one who wasnt strong enough and well adapted enough to survive.
And yet I try to resist nature and biology theory. Is it winnable?
I hope so, cos the number of suicidal people I have talked down in the past week is taking its tole on me.
Id just like to sleep, and wake to find no pain.
Or never wake.
As MCR say in their song: The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking
and this vanity I'm breaking, lets me live my life like this

awesome song, cant wait till yr12 is finished, getting seriously smashed will b something ill enjoy